Let’s be honest – the likelihood of the world ending tomorrow is more or less non existent. But, if you’re like me, you’re used to things NOT going to plan. This is why I have decided to take this opportunity to look back on my last NEARLY 20 years alive, and reflect on the good, the bad and the WTF’s.
Firstly though, I feel it justified to express my sincere regret and feelings of victimisation at having NOT hit the magic 20. Yes, my birthday is 9th January, and this guesstimation for the world to end couldn’t have come on more of a teasing date – 19 days until I was due to officially turn 20! I feel so hard-done by! I mean, I was so close to having reached the old and decrepit milestone of two decades.
But that’s the way the cookie crumbles.
Enough dwelling, now let’s hit the juicy stuff. That’s right, reflection. On my last nearly 20 years on the Earth.
The Good Times
1. Let’s start with the obvious (although it’s obvious that doesn’t take away from its importance!) I was born to a good family, always had a home, food, drink, etc. I was not born into poverty, murdered, abused in any way. In this sense, I have been extremely lucky, and I am grateful for this. I have never had to worry about disease, I still have both of my parents. I didn’t have any childhood traumatic experience which greatly effected by current well-being. In this respect, I have been blessed compared to other unfortunate souls. Some children just want to be loved for Christmas. Some babies die from illness, or worse, murder and abuse. I would give my life for them to have lived, because I’ve had nearly 20 years and they haven’t gotten to live life at all. Tragic.
2. I am a hyper individual and I’ve always been able to cheer other people up. This may be something small but I do feel it is significant. I’ve not always been able to cheer myself up with the same strategy, but my mother used to call me a born entertainer, which was possibly more accurate when I was a child. Currently, many know me by my loud laughter, eccentricity and hyperactivity. For quite some time, I was self-conscious about this. But now, as someone who has experienced nearly two decades on the planet, I can see that maybe I contributed more to other people than I realised. Maybe I have cheered people up, helped them etc on a wider level which I was not even aware of at the time. This, to me, is something I can safely celebrate without sounding big-headed (Even if I do, there’s no point changing now. I’m due to die tomorrow, as are the rest of you!)
3. Obviously my personal achievements, although I regret that I have not even fully explored my interests nor had the time to do so in such a short time in the world. However, I have written numerous poems, one of which was published (I don’t mean to brag) and others which are of a generally melancholic theme, which can be found online at http://allpoetry.com/AislingKell I’ve had a lot of people compliment me in this regard, which has been wonderful. However, I feel that at the young age of nearly 20 I still have a bundle load of poetry inside of me which I still need to write; but which have not been written yet due to a lack of life experience in many areas. Secondly, I would like to reflect over my Youtube Channel. I started the channel in 2011, and started doing vlogs and such. Now, it’s not a very successful channel, but through it I began getting interested in video-making, editing and scriptwriting in particular, which is what made me decide to go to college and study it there. I got into a college and studied a PLC course in TV and Film, then got into an Institute of Technology to study TV and Media Production; so yes, I would regard these as achievements (Getting into college is an achievement, right?) You can find my Youtube channel at http://www.youtube.com/AshyShash Also I’d like to recognise my creativity in many areas although I am self critical and realise that if I wasn’t as lazy, I would’ve expressed my creativity a lot better in the last nearly 20 years.
I won’t harp on about The Good Times anymore as I’m sure it’s rather boring. Besides, I have had many good times and trying to remember all of them in detail here would be impossible. But I will conclude this section in two blissful words – Santa Clause (and of course other childhood heroes – the epitome of the good times for me.)
The Bad Times
I am not a believer of dwelling on bad parts of my life. But I will briefly touch on this (I’ll spare the details) Growing up wasn’t always easy. I had low self-esteem, I suffered with bad depression, I had no self worth. All of this became very bad when I was around 17 years old, but thankfully through medical help and support from my family, I overcame the majority of my demons, and should they arise again, I deal with them in a much more productive way. Aside from this, I cannot think of any other major bad times in my life. I have had ill family members but it has never been anything too serious. Finances have always been hard, especially where college is concerned. But my family and I have always been able to manage, even if we’re short a few bob, which is fantastic.
How I saw the next 20 years going
I have/had all sorts of plans of how the future was going to go for me. Obviously, I was going to graduate college, in 2015 to be precise. Then I am/was going to travel. I want to go everywhere, I know everyone says that, but I LITERALLY want to go everywhere. Wherever I go, I’ll go with an open mind and have a job in TV production hopefully, and meet a lot of friends while traveling. In my mid 20’s or so I’ll calm down the traveling a bit and settle into one place, perhaps back to Ireland. But only if the economy has improved by this time. I would have liked to meet someone and have children, but I wouldn’t have liked to get married, at least not in a traditional ceremony performed by a Priest (Let’s not get into that) I’d have one or two children and I have no idea what they would have been like but I haven’t thought that far ahead because really, who the hell knows? I would have liked a nice house, materialistic stuff, not A LOT of money, but over enough money to just survive. I haven’t really thought about much else in the future. I suppose that’s why you’re not supposed to plan your future and you’re just supposed to live in the moment.
Yes, there is a lot I would’ve done differently. But I’ve had my chance, I lived it. Maybe I didn’t always live it right, but I lived it my way, mistakes an’ all!
It was lovely knowing everyone, of course! See you on the other side!
Aisling Kelleher 